The adult relationship debate

On todays episode of Creating Definitions we are going to talk about relationships as adults.
Much like my realization that I am NOT weird for traveling alone (and liking it), I am also NOT weird for being an adult in their first relationship.  I knew there were others like me out there!

I will be turning 36 this year and have entered year 2 of having a boyfriend.  Before this, the longest relationship I ever had was approximately 4 months.  I am happy to say that I am comfortable with my history to get here but there are a lot of people who definitely aren't.  I've heard a lot of ...

Are you a gay? 
Why are you single?
Men are just intimidated by you and your success. 
It always happens when you least expect it. 
There must be something wrong with you. 
Don't worry, you'll find someone. 


Every generation believes that the next will be just like them.  Even though they aren't like their parents.  It's a very interesting mix.  Same goes for money, mortgages, jobs (more on that another day).  When did we get to this place? If people are happy wherever they are in life then who the hell cares?

I'll give it to my parents.  They supported me to the outside world but I would be lying if I said they didn't ask me all of the same questions as everyone else.  I think it's engrained in them as part of their parental duty so I let it slide.  Luckily for me, the day finally came where the lightbulb went on and they got it.  I will never forget the day when my Mom looked at me and just said "I get it now".
THANK GOD.

The funnier part of the revelation is the fact that I did exactly what my Mom has always told me to do growing up.  She isn't unhappy being married to my father (they've been together almost 50 years) but there was a lot she didn't do when she was younger she wishes she had.  I think everyone has at least one thing, it's normal.   I am the youngest of five kids, coming along 4 years after my sister so I had a lot of alone time with my Mom with them all in school and me not.  I had a lot more freedom during this time and had to fend for myself when she was busy and she trusted me, I was trained to entertain myself and be imaginative.  Not a lot of kids are so I am thankful for this being my younger years.

As I grew, especially as I got into my middle school and high school years, the messages started around finishing school, getting a good job, don't worry about having a boyfriend, and HAVE FUN.  These messages were also given to all of my siblings but did they listen?  Nope.
My oldest sister had a baby right after high school, same with my oldest brother.  The others had their share of trouble, relationships, etc. and then there was me, the kid who always seem to have a good amount of friends and a weekend didn't come in high school where I didn't have plans all weekend long. I also had a job from the age of 15 on.  I kept busy.

I graduated high school, graduated college (while working full time I might add), got a stellar job at a Fortune 500 company out of college, moved to a different state for said company (and back again, twice), lived on my own (never had a roommate) and traveled for both work and fun.


If we reverse back into my younger days ... my decision to be single also was pretty easy to make when you were the fat kid.  Even at my age now, I am a fat kid.  I lost weight once and got in the best shape of my life!  But I am destined to be thick.  I've come to terms with it.

I was the guys girl, played matchmaker between friends of mine, crushed on the "hottest guys" just like my friends, didn't have dates to prom (but asked boys myself so I could go), and ended up a high schooler and college student who would make out with guys would never date me on occasion because once I got my first kiss, it felt like I belonged a little more and finally had something to talk about with my friends.  The one thing I never lacked, which I am forever thankful for, is friends.  Some of which I am still friends with today.

I will admit, I did spend years here and there throughout my life feeling bad for myself.  Wondering why I couldn't find someone, wondering when I would find someone.  The more I continued to grow and gain new and different friends (most of him who were single) the more I realized it isn't that weird to be an adult and not in a relationship and I have been able to reflect on what I have learned and how my decisions have made me unique and successful in my life.


As I am sitting here reminiscing and sharing my story I can't help but be proud of everything I have accomplished and also what I have learned as I have grown.  There has been a lot I have seen and a lot left to be seen.  I also realize how much my history affects my relationship now as an adult and that there is a lot that I still need to overcome to continue to grow and be successful as someones companion.  What I suck at as a girlfriend and what I am (and have been) working on will be my next installment, I think there are enough words here for this day.


Before I sign off, I have a story and thought to share on today's subject ...

The other weekend I saw my niece (11 yo) and nephew (13 yo) and my niece tells us all "I have accomplished more in my life than my brother has."  The adult collectively laugh and ask for her to explain (this is gonna be a good story we all think).  Her answer broke my heart.
"I've had a boyfriend already and he has never had a girlfriend."

This is a kid.  Who is still growing and learning and this is what she thinks success in life means.  Now don't get me wrong, I love love.  Having my partner and companion absolutely makes me giddy.  Everyone should find love in whatever form that makes you happy in your life.  But this love of mine doesn't define me and I truly believe yours shouldn't define you either.  We are all different for a reason.  Think about it.